Robbie is Legend

There once was a man named Robbie Brockel, who was a warrior on and off his skateboard. He drank pints of Steel Reserve and could eat 10 Jack in the Box tacos in one sitting, “no problem.” Many people recognized he was a prodigy and began to resent him and tried to compete for his high celestial title. This was “no big deal” for Robbie because he was betrayed by his wizard mentor Peter Hewitt several years prior with a poisoned 40oz of Steel Reserve. The formula in the poison contained magical stardust that was created to kill Robbie but had an adverse effect and made Robbie’s mustache thrive. For a while Robbie felt as if the mustache meant nothing but he soon learned that it gave him the courage to take his skateboarding to the level only an immortal could accomplish. He soon realized the power behind this magical facial hair and discovered the mustache could manipulate his brain and talk to him through a naturally occurring phenomenon deemed impossible by Einstein himself called Mustache Mouth. Not only did the mustache have the power to take him to the top, but it also had the power to take his mind and make it vulnerable to dangerous and life threatening situations. After a while of being put into these situations and succeeding with “no problem” there came a point when Robbie knew that going up was no longer an option. However, the mustache had a very different and very grim idea that could either take Robbie to AZ God status or the grave. Soon enough the mustache suggested, taunted, even pleaded and did everything in its almighty and demented power to get him to gazelle flip the abominable, the blood curdling, hair raising, you bet your ass you won’t jump down this and live to talk about it, the beast itself. El Toro. Though he knew he had it in him to do it down 9, 10, even 12 stairs, El Toro raised a red flag. Not only did El Toro make Robbie quiver in his own skin due to its enormous size and shroud of danger. It also made him question his motive to achieve AZ God status because El Toro is a place where people go to become one trick wonders, not a place to gain regard as an AZ. God. Now, becoming a one trick wonder is one major no-no in becoming anything close to resembling an AZ. God and El Toro is the perfect place to accomplish such a feat; Simply because it is so massive, so incredibly breathtaking, so marvelous and mortifying all in one instance that it can not possibly be one upped in any future trick one could ever fathom going for. With all of these things said, Robbie knew that going against his mustache was a smart decision that could very well save his life goal of being recognized as an AZ God skater. However, Moustache Mouth had a grip on his mind like a vice; Anytime Robbie even thought against the idea of gazelle flipping El Toro, Moustache Mouth would sedate him and make him feel bad for going against everything that made him what he had become. Robbie knew what he had to do. Though the Wizard Hewitt had poisoned him, Robbie’s only option of success lied within Hewitt’s cauldron of potion that only Robbie knew about through tapping into his Moustache’s secret hair follicles of thought through lucid dreaming and astral projection. Hewitt granted Robbie the potion, recognizing all of his talent and proper aspiration, even with such a condition as Moustache Mouth. Robbie took one last look at what had made him, one last glance at torment. Now, a toast; in one hand Robbie yielded a steel reserve, the other, the potion. Upon drinking the potion the moustache vanished, the earth shook, time stood still, and it is even said to this day that it was the singular cause of Vesuvius’ eruption. Robbie went on to lead a successful life without his moustache, realizing that AZ God status was not necessary or even possible. It turned out to be a fable created by John Rob Moore just to see if Robbie would try and accomplish it as a joke, knowing Robbie’s competitive esteem. Robbie shrugged it off, said, “no big deal, bro!” and that is the legend of Robbie Brockel.




If you listen closely in the hour between 4 and 5 am it is said that you can hear the shrill cries of the Moustache in the wind as it was sucked into Hewitt’s forbidden chamber forever… Or will it be forever?